On a more serious note... I haven't written anything in a while, but even when I'm not on here I'm still here, just on paper instead of this cyber-space. My journal is tathered and torn but it encloses my deepest thoughts other than those locked away in my own mind. Some of my thoughts are simple, profound, complicated, happy, sad, loving, hating (haha) and many more. (Sorry, the hating one just made me think of something written in my journal, never to be seen by anyone but me:) ) Anyways, needless to say these past few weeks have been rather dry in cyber-space but there has been a torrential downpour in my journal... And so now is the time for a fusion! Cyber-meets-journal. Could it be the start of something new? Love is in the air. Relationship? I think they may just fall in love, but only this time. They're more just fuck buddies I guess would be the proper term? Idk.. Urban Dictionary it! I tend to need to do that often.
Here it goes: In chronological order of the past two weeks...
1.
"sometimes
I wish that I were the sun.
It's always making peoples days.
It's bright.
It shines.
It is beautiful.
It is so many wonderful things."
2.
"I have no money.
But I can still manage the unknown."
3.
"Vancouver,
It's weird because I never imagined I would feel this. Kelowna is no longer my home. You are in my heart. And I don't even think that you realize how much you mean to me. I could very well be falling for you. Which is the most incredible feeling of life. Love, love, love <3
Let's just hope it won't fade too quick. Meow" Is it even possible to fall in love with a city? Because each and every day that I step out my front door I see an endless supply of opportunities in this city and it makes me feel love. Love is everywhere.
4.
"If I only had one week to live:
-life has no limitations
-I would love
-I would feel
-I would be an open book
-I wouldn't be sad.
-All things gold must come to an end
-I would be right here and now
-Nothing can hold me back
-Travel
-Love
-Hope
-Do not wallow in self pity
*Most important
Live your life to the fullest.
:)"
5.
This one is rather personal. I am not posting it. It's more of a musical ode. I'll post it in song and the rest can be decided by you.
_________________________________________
On another note, I've been thinking that drunken words really are sober thoughts and as horrible as it sounds sometimes I feel as if I should be drunk so that I would say more of the things that are on my mind, and there's one thing that's really getting to me but I have the worst wording of life. But when I am drunk everything comes out in verbal vomit that only half makes sense. So my problem is two-sided. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's really uncomfortable, but who am I to complain? I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too... But I'm the simple type. Things don't eat at me too bad, all I have to do is put in my headphones, lay down and zone out from the world and then I'm perfectly at home. Sometimes uncertainty is the most certain you can be. But I would rather be uncertain than be certain that it's not. Or be certain that I'm certain that it's certain to be certain when I'm changing subjects to make people forget what I'm saying cause I'm praying that I'm making sense when we stop making sense of the situation talking heads had a song like that and I'm like yeah I put my hand up blow my whistle lalalalalala! Hi. Meow. K. Sorry, ADD moment happened to me. Julie is back.
This one is for my old math teacher who sat beside me in Kelowna and sang along to every word straight from the heart. Because someday we may be gone but we'll still be here and everyone should be remembered for what they were.
Take care and be yourself, don't over-think. You're exactly where you need to be. Much love.
xx. julie
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